This is the story of one woman who, though she long pursued the image of an “ideal family,” watched her family members leave her one after another and spent her days writhing in anguish, wondering, “Why is every happiness I seek destroyed, and why do the people I love suffer?” In the midst of such suffering, she resolved to change her own heart and, in doing so, came to grasp true happiness.
The Happy Place I Found After My Dreams Were Shattered
I Wanted to Build a Happy Family
From the time I was young, I had strongly dreamed of having a “happy family.” I wanted a bright, close family with two or three children, where we could talk about anything. Filled with such hopes, I married a kind banker at the age of 22.
My father had taken another woman when I was little, and I grew up watching my mother suffer because of it. That is why, for me, a “happy family” was a dream I could never give up. The year after our marriage, our eldest son was born. Two years later, our eldest daughter was born, and then our second son as well.
I recovered well after childbirth, and on the night I returned home safely from the maternity hospital, I looked at the peaceful sleeping faces of my three children and was overwhelmed with joy, thinking, “I can’t believe my dream has come true this quickly!”
I managed the housework and childcare as a full-time housewife, the neighbors praised me as “such a good wife,” and my husband devoted himself fully to his work. But that happy time did not last long.
My Dream Was Shattered
“There is someone more important to me than you. And that person is having my child.”
Three months after my second son was born, my husband suddenly thrust a piece of paper at me. On it were the words “divorce papers.” He told me that since the third year of our marriage, he had had another woman and had continued to be unfaithful. I was stunned by something I had never imagined.
But whenever I thought of my young children, a powerful feeling rose up inside me: “I don’t want the happiness I’ve built with such effort to be destroyed.” Hoping, even faintly, that perhaps things could still be repaired with time, I refused to stamp the divorce papers. But after that, my husband began openly going back and forth between our home and his mistress’s house.
“Someday He Will Come Back”
Keeping everything locked up inside my heart, I tried alone to find some way to restore our relationship. But even when my husband came home once in a while, he always seemed strangely distant, and if anything displeased him, he would shout, “Be quiet!” My efforts always ended in vain.
Usually my mind was filled with the desire to get my family back, but from time to time I felt an unbearable emptiness. There were moments when I thought, “If I died right now, would he finally understand my suffering?” Once, while riding in a car my husband was driving, I put my hand on the door, about to throw myself out, when my eldest son called out, “Mom,” and it brought me back to my senses.
Night after night, I could not sleep.
Divorce Papers Signed After 12 Years
It was during that period, when I was cornered emotionally, that I began studying the teachings of Happy Science at my older sister’s recommendation. I devoured a book she gave me called Immovable Mind. One passage in particular moved me deeply: “No matter what kind of hardship or difficulty comes, the sun will rise again.”
Yet my relationship with my husband did not improve at all. Worn down in both body and spirit, I finally stamped the divorce papers at the age of 39, twelve years after he had first asked for a divorce, on the condition that I would have custody of the children.
Like the Teeth of a Comb Breaking Away
After separating from my husband, I told myself that at least I would find happiness with my children, and I poured my heart especially into them. But my eldest son, who was in junior high school at the time, gradually became more and more troubled. He often stayed out overnight without permission, and after entering high school he would blast his guitar loudly in his room late at night.
When I tried to correct him, he would begin raging as if he were a different person. He threw the shoe cabinet into the kitchen, overturned the refrigerator, shattered glass windows, and turned the whole house into chaos. Neighbors, alarmed by the commotion, even called the police.
Thoughts like “Why is it only me who has to suffer like this?” only made my irritation toward my eldest son even stronger. And as he grew older, I began to feel that he increasingly resembled my husband. One day, without thinking, I blurted out, “You’re becoming more and more like your father, and I hate it!”
Perhaps that was the trigger. At the age of 20, my eldest son left home and disappeared without a trace. My husband was gone, and now my eldest son had fled too. Like the teeth of a comb breaking away one by one, my family kept leaving me.
My Daughter’s Illness
Fortunately, my eldest daughter, who understood me better than anyone else in the family, became engaged to a man of impeccable sincerity. I hoped that at least she would find happiness in a warm family of her own.
But soon afterward, she developed an unexplained pain syndrome—sharp, stabbing pain. Less than a year after her marriage, she returned to my home to recuperate. Day and night, her cries of “It hurts, Mom, help me!” echoed through the house as she writhed in pain.
No treatment worked, no matter how famous the university hospital we went to. All I could do was watch her suffer. After ten months, the frequency of the pain attacks finally lessened, and she returned home. But she was tormented by the fear that the pain might come back again, and in fact she was often struck by the pain again.
Something That Needed to Change
Why was every happiness I sought destroyed, and why was my beloved daughter made to suffer? I could not help but resent my husband, who had been the original cause of everything. Since he was no longer in front of me, those feelings only swelled inside me until they felt ready to burst.
Unable to bear it any longer, I spoke with a friend I had met through Happy Science. She said, “K, you care more about your family than most people, and you’ve endured so much. But if your daughter were to imitate the feelings you have now, do you think she would be happy? Maybe there is something inside your heart that needs to change. Would you like to look for it together?”
She recommended a seminar of Happy Science,” where participants reflect deeply on the course of their lives. Clinging to hope, I joined and began looking back on my relationship with my husband—and eventually, on my father as well.
“Had I Actually Been Loved?”
As I reflected, memories of my father began to surface. I had long thought of him only as a frightening man who made my mother suffer. But then another memory came back: during an earthquake, he had picked up my sister and me and rushed us outside, shouting that he would protect us no matter what happened.
My sister had once told me that he often praised me, saying I was kind and hardworking. A question quietly rose within me: Had I actually been loved by my father all along?
I Had Never Truly Faced My Husband
As my feelings toward my father began to change, a new way of looking at my husband came into view. I realized that even before marriage, I had jokingly said, “I want children, but I don’t need a husband.” Looking back, I had used the busyness of housework and childcare as an excuse to avoid really facing him.
Even when I knew he came home exhausted, I never once offered a word of comfort or appreciation. While wearing the mask of a “good wife,” I had never truly stayed close to his heart. From his perspective, perhaps there had never been any place for him in our home at all.
And yet I had assumed it was only natural that my husband would continue loving me. That was the image of the “happy family” I had been pursuing.
Tears of Regret
I was also overwhelmed with regret toward my eldest son. Because I resented his father so deeply, I failed to recognize my son’s kindness. For the first time, I realized that I had misunderstood my father, neglected my husband, and hurt my son.
The cause of my unhappiness had actually lain within me all along. And yet I had been filled with selfish thoughts, wanting others to make me happy. Tears streamed down my face as that realization sank in.
"Most people see love as getting or receiving. But without changing that view, you'll never find true peace of mind."
Within the Warmth I Regained
From that class onward, unexpected things began happening one after another. My father, who had dementia and no longer even recognized me, briefly returned to his senses when I visited him. When I apologized for having resented him, he looked at me with sincerity and said, “I love you. I’m the one who truly did something terrible. I’m so sorry.”
Stroking my head like I was a small child, he repeated those words, and I wept in the warmth of his hand.
A Reunion After Ten Years
Soon after that, during the Golden Week holidays in May, my eldest son—who had been out of contact ever since leaving home—suddenly reached out to me. We met at a family restaurant and shared a meal for the first time in about ten years.
He looked very thin, but he told me he had become a caregiver and was now working steadily. He said, “When my heart is unsettled at work, the patients become unsettled too. Your heart really matters, doesn’t it? You were right, Mom. I’ve been supported by so many people all my life. I’m so grateful.”
I wanted to tell him, “I love you,” but I was barely able to hold back my tears. After our meal, I bought him some things he liked at a nearby supermarket. As we parted, he stood there for a long time watching me leave.
A strong feeling welled up in me again—that I truly wanted my children to be happy. My daughter’s pain, too, gradually improved, with the help of her husband.
“Happiness” Depends on Oneself
What I learned from these nearly twenty years of experience is this: all events are expressions of one’s own heart, and if the heart changes, the environment changes too. In the past, my disgust toward my father led me to deepen my distrust of men. At the same time, I believed that happiness was something someone else would bring to me.
Distrusting men while still expecting happiness from them was, in truth, a deeply self-serving way of thinking. And that state of heart brought unhappiness not only to me, but also to precious family members such as my husband and eldest son.
But through encountering these teachings, I was finally able to realize how deeply I had been loved by so many people. Now, I live each day savoring that happiness from the bottom of my heart.
The Happy Place Had Already Been Given to Me
My “happy place” had already been given to me. Now I have begun sharing books and missionary magazines with those close to me—family, friends, and others—and telling them this secret of happiness.
If I meet someone in the future who is walking a path like the one I once walked, I want to stay close to that person’s heart, share even a little of the miracle of inner change, and help them turn from a life of taking to a life of giving love. That is my heartfelt wish.
“Let Us Live in the Best Possible Way Within What Has Been Given to Us”
A message excerpted from Strong Mind by Ryuho Okawa / IRH Press
Make the Effort to Forgive Others
It is important to make the effort to forgive others, and to forgive your own past as well. If there is someone you hate or resent now, please make the effort to forgive that person, and keep making the effort to forgive. There are probably many people in the past who attacked you, humiliated you, embarrassed you, slandered you, or mocked you. However, if you keep remembering those things and keep speaking about them, you will not become happy. It is better not to keep talking about such things, and even better to forget them. Better still is to reach the point where you can think of that person’s good qualities instead.
The True Power of Forgiveness
If among the things troubling you there are feelings such as judgment toward others, hatred, or anger, please do your best to rise above them. Forgiveness is not something abstract. It is not merely a matter of words. It is a necessary condition for your own happiness. If you cannot forgive, then in this world where so many people live together, you will not be able to live a truly happy life.
There may be people who do not act as you wish, and there may be parts of your past that did not go as you wished. But through the act of forgiving, I hope you will transcend those things and enter a world of peace. Only through forgiveness can you finally sleep soundly at night. Only through forgiveness can you walk outside your home and find the air delicious, the sunlight warm, and the sincerity of other people something you can truly feel.
From the scripture Strong Mind