TO THE STATE OF MIND THAT ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE EXPEROENCED GRIEF AND SUFFERING CAN UNDERSTAND

From olden times it has been said that in order to achieve greatness, a person must experience poverty, the loss of a job, demotion, a broken heart, the break up of a marriage, or illness. Failing exams, being kept back a year at school, a failed relationship or business can also be added to the list.

People who experience one of these traumas tend to become rather introverted, but once they overcome the setback, they emit a deep light. These people are able to empathize deeply with the finer feelings of others, so the way in which they perceive and interact with another can in itself be an act of forgiveness.

Everyone has wounds to their heart that hurt if touched. However, when someone who has never suffered sees a person who is wounded, they callously rub salt into the wounds. Through their words and actions they add to the hurt of the other person. Someone who has experienced pain or failure themselves will understand the pain caused by rubbing salt into a wound. Those who have not are unable to sympathize and as soon as they find a fault or a failing in another, they will not hesitate to make the pain worse. In some cases, they will want to cause others the kind of harm that can affect them badly and cause permanent damage.

When people are suffering with some problem and they still have not reached rock bottom, it can sometimes bring a sense of contentment to pick on someone else and find fault with another, as if picking on someone helps them to keep their own head above water. Many people cannot stop themselves from acting in this way even though it is the worst kind of pleasure; finding fault or criticizing others is the very lowest form of gratification.

People who think that they can alleviate their own pain by picking on others still do not know true pain. Those who truly suffer pain and struggle to find the true self cannot obtain relief simply by pointing out the faults of others. They need to temper themselves further until finally they develop true kindness. In other words, as long as you find yourself picking on others, blaming or criticizing them, it means that your character still requires further deepening and that you still do not know true sorrow or pain.

People who have passed through the worst that life can offer will become truly kind and incapable of doing anything that hurts others because they themselves have suffered having their own wounds probed. This attitude is a form of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not limited to forgiving others' faults. When you pass through sorrow or pain, your capacity for forgiveness will grow, and this is a positive outcome of sorrow or pain.

From "Tips to Find Happiness" by Ryuho Okawa